The Discipline Trap

The idea that discipline will bring you freedom is absurd. I saw this on a bumper sticker a few weeks ago, and now I see it everywhere. Before I explain and try to help set you on a better path to freedom, let’s define freedom first. From Webster: freedom is the “absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action”. To put it differently and take it a little deeper, true freedom lies in being fully present and letting go of the past and future; true freedom is not found in external circumstances but rather in one’s internal circumstances. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some discipline, it got me through SEAL training and launched three start-ups, but it’s far too limiting to put all of your chips on it. Discipline can never bring you freedom - trust me, I tried as hard as anyone. Freedom isn’t having enough money to buy a private jet - freedom is having your private jet stolen and still feeling good about life. Let’s discuss. 

Discipline is necessary for freedom, but it is not sufficient. Discipline can take you from being a low-wage earner to a high-wage earner and therefore increase your freedom, but it will never get you over the freedom finish line. So, what's the missing piece? Self-love, my friends. And the best way to cultivate self-love? Mindfulness.

Imagine a highly disciplined friend who is very reliable and always on time. They’re impressive people, but often they're also a stick in the mud. They're not usually spontaneous and can be a bit of a buzzkill. They may have accumulated wealth and may even be generous with it, but in my experience, those kinds of people are often not all that happy and don’t seem all that free. Imagine if you only hung out with that friend. You'd be on time for everything and never miss a call, but you'd also miss out on all the fun. I was that guy for a while, and I did miss out on the fun. That's what happens when we rely solely on discipline. We become rigid and inflexible, and we miss out on the magic of life. I have met countless rich people who earned their money through discipline, behave like slaves, and are no fun to be around. 

So, yes, we need discipline, but if it’s freedom we want, then there should be a higher priority: mindfulness. Mindfulness leads to self-love, which leads to compassion for everyone, which is the critical key to true freedom. It helps us to let go of negative thoughts and emotions and to live in the present moment. And when we're in the present moment, we're free. We're free from the constraints of the past and the future.

Now, you might be thinking, "But isn't discipline necessary for mindfulness?" And the answer is yes, but only to a certain extent. Discipline is necessary to create the time and space for mindfulness practices, but discipline alone has a ceiling (a low one, in my experience). You don't need to be a monk living in a cave. You can be mindful while you're doing the dishes or stuck in traffic. Mindfulness is about being present in the moment, not about getting your 20-minute meditation in a 5 AM every single day before going to the gym at 5:30 before making breakfast at 7:10... It’s simply about choosing good thoughts. 

When someone cuts you off in traffic. if you think about how much you’d like to run them off the road and you spend the next 10 minutes in a rage, you’re not a free person, I don’t care how many pull-ups you can do or how much money you made this month. However, if you choose to tell yourself that person must be rushing to the hospital to see a loved one who has just had an accident, and you immediately forgive them and then calm yourself right down, now you’re building an internal environment of true freedom.

And what about self-love? Why is it so crucial for freedom? Well, think about it. When you love yourself, you're free from the constraints of other people's opinions. You're free from the need for validation. And when you're free from those constraints, you can live your life authentically and in alignment with your values and beliefs. Your jet can be stolen, or you can be thrown in jail, but you still have true freedom because you can let that go. Sound hard? Well, you’re probably stuck in the discipline trap.

Now, let's bring in some of our favorite philosophers. The Buddha taught about the importance of balance and inner peace. He understood that excessive discipline can lead to rigidity and a lack of creativity. Eckhart Tolle reminds us to live in the present moment and to let go of the past and future. Martin Luther King Jr. believed in the power of love and nonviolence in the struggle for freedom and equality for all people. And Yvon Chouinard, the founder of Patagonia, encourages us to pursue our passions and to live a life that is authentic and fulfilling. None of them tell us that discipline leads to freedom; all of them teach us that true freedom is found in self-love and mindfulness.

I really like this quote from Alexander Solzhenitsyn, who spent eight years in a Russian prison: "The true test of freedom is not whether you can change society, but whether you can change yourself." Freedom is inside of your mind.

To close, by all means, be disciplined, but never at the expense of being mindful, grateful, and loving.